Otherness

India makes you lose your innocence. Doesn’t matter where you come from. You will find yourself becoming aware of things that you simply never saw before. Things that existed before your very own eyes but you never gave much thought to, or even thought important. Situations are no longer just situations. You begin to question what you know. Who you are.

I once wrote a piece on how India has changed me. Well, in retrospect, that list was very shallow, an outlook from very fresh eyes. The inner transformation is the main business that happens in India.

I was recently sharing with a friend of mine- also a foreigner- just how in India one gets to experience every single emotion known to man in very many doses, consistently. If you do immerse yourself with the people, the culture, you often get overwhelming emotions of anger, elation, despair, hope, shame, freedom, pain, joy, pride, desperation, LOVE. An awakening.

My friend who has now moved back home gushed that she could live in India forever. Forever- a term you can only make when you have had some life altering experience(s). India makes one say stuff like that. It challenges your assumptions, it solidifies your personality and values, the things you believe in.  You become open. You think a lot, then some. Some overthinking.

Just when you think you have the people, place figured out, you discover that you really do not know what rhythm, what beat you are supposed to follow.

India is where I officially grew up. Where there’s a clear distinction between who I was and who I am becoming. I often wonder what I can share here on my blog with my wonderful readers and followers while maintaining balance and at the same time revealing my own truths.

I have stayed away from writing about the sexual repression I have seen in this society. The desperation of Indian girls to have their own identity, the constant reminders every day that there are the haves and the have nots. The morbid obsession with looks, skin complexion. The lack of community and heartfelt warmth of people as is in Kenya. Where we really enjoy spending time with each other, doing nothing but talk. Laughing like fools, not caring about what grade who got, or what promotion one is about to get at work. Or what your background is. No thoughts or talk about the ladders to climb and achievements to prove.

My sister on a trip to Cairo, Egypt happened to chat with a university professor. And she asked the professor what in her view is the distinction between the people, what defines the people and separates them from each other. The professor told my sister without batting an eyelid- the rich and the poor. At the University where she teaches, the students are the rich, and they know that the others, away from campus- are the poor.

I got an education on class in India. That there are different classes of people and each group is somewhat aware that it BELONGS THERE. You see the rich Indian kids and upper middle class folks and the way they talk to the waiters, the drivers, the security guards. In a tone that sounds like barking orders or scolding a little child. In the offices you see how the cleaning lady and the guys who serve lunch keep going `Yes Sir’ `No Sir’ `Yes, Madam’. You see your colleagues doing this with the boss. You see this at the cinema when they keep saying yes sir to your husband. You try your best to understand. To learn about what the caste system did to the psyche of a people. How even today saying your surname demands a certain type of treatment. Maybe a respect. Maybe a disrespect.

This is going to sound very naïve, I know, I apologise. I come from a country where there exists the rich and the poor but the lines are a little blurred. You do not have your entire family being the haves or have nots. There will be the very rich uncle or auntie and there will also be that relative who is a driver, who is a shop keeper. Things are changing quite fast actually and we are heading the India way but rich kids and middle class kids have been friends for as long as I can recall. Going to the same schools, dating and marrying across those lines.

I have been dismissed in India by people who THINK they know me because of where I come from. It used to be unsettling till you realise that in India, where you come from is everything. The Jains, the Sikhs, the Tatas, the Ambanis, and the list goes on…What is your background?

How I lost my innocence? Well, because I cannot unsee what I got exposed to. Because I am now part of that system that does it too. I can differentiate between who is travelled and open minded enough to engage in a meaningful conversation with me. And I now know who expects me to be a stereotype, a caricature of being black. Who wants me to just talk about our runners, our wildlife, our apparently terrible economies. Those who think I must come from the set of Gods must be Crazy. I can now tell which saree is more exquisite and more expensive than the next. I can tell what is gold and gold coated. I know how to laugh appropriately for which audience.

I now see how some people try to compose themselves when they learn am married to one of their own. Like, how on earth could that have possibly happened?

I try not to judge. But am an empath. I get very involved with those I surround myself with. Whether they know it or not, whether I like it or not. I am a little weary of engaging people too openly about my beleifs, my opinions because there are so many angles to my statements that I will never truly understand how they are heard.

Would I go back to not seeing the things I now see? I don’t think so. I got schooled. And you do not choose your teachers. They come for a reason and when you are ready.

To my first little love

My darling S,

You are only a few months older than a year today. I decided to write you a note in my blog as you are a continuation of my Kenya India experience. I want you to know that you have expanded my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. You came into this world so quickly! One moment I was watching a Youtube video with bappa and in the next 4 hours you were here!

I have grown so much since I met you. I am more patient, I care even more deeply about the things and issues affecting our planet, and I have grown massively both emotionally and mentally. You have made me a much nicer person (and they will tell you, I was still super nice before you came along! 🙂 ). Interestingly I am also more fierce, less scared of taking risks. I am now more than ever super aware of what is important for me in this life. You didn’t do this to me darling, you brought it OUT 🙂

You kept me up most nights last year and for that, I can now say am less attached to my sleep hours like I was before 🙂 I also got to see other bits and pieces of your dad that I did not know about. For instance who knew he had so many unsung songs in him that took you to come out!

We are obviously overdoing things as you are our first little love. No one should own more than five balls, which you do. Oh, and how we must capture your every new stage. Forgive us, for we just couldn’t help ourselves.

I sometimes wonder about what you will call your identity. Will it be Kenyan, Indian or both? I hope this does not cause any anguish or stress. I like to think you will be both, or neither. Just a citizen of the world. What you hold in your heart and the kind of person you are is what matters ultimately.

Your Kikuyu name will be mispronounced in India and your Indian name will be mispronounced in Kenya- as is happening already. I hope you will be able to laugh about this and in fact, it may be a really good conversation starter, when people will ask about your names.

People in Kenya think you look like your dad. People in India think you look like mummy. I think you look like a fairer skinned, straighter haired version of mummy.  I know for sure it will be easier growing up in Kenya than it will be in India. Less complicated about race and complexion matters. Besides, there are so many others like you in Kenya. I personally know 5 grown up Kenyan Indians. Incidentally they are all African mum and Indian dad. Don’t know why vice versa is rarer.

There is also less pressure in Kenya to BECOME something like it is in India. Specifically to become a doctor or engineer. I have seen the sad effects of this conditioning on many adults.

With regard to your religion, mummy is currently battling with Kenyan grandma because we have very different ideas on this subject and I am resisting your getting baptised. Somewhere along the way I lost my religion and found spirituality. I have found great teachers in India and the world over and I hope you will find your way as well whatever it may be. I will avail to you the works of Ramana Maharishi, Osho, Jiddu Krishnamurthy, Yogananda and so many others who teach a message that resonates with me. I will also make sure you read bible stories and also the teachings of Jesus. In Kenya what you will find, is a lot of religious fanaticism and if anyone asks you, say you are Hindu. I have found Hinduism to be more open and diverse than the Christianity I was brought up with. Besides, your mummy had to sign `reconversion’ documents to get married to daddy. Yes, reconversion to Hinduism (the assumption being that we are all born Hindu- in a different lifetime or such).It is a complicated world when two people brought up in two different religions decide to get married.

You are currently speaking bits of Swahili and English and haven’t picked your dads Konkani yet or my Kikuyu. Mummy and daddy talk so much in English and so I guess that will be your mother-tongue. We really could not be here without those Brits now would we ?(Brexit joke? No? Ok 🙂 ).

I want to say so much more. But, I know we will create more India Kenya tales together. And tell them to those who will want to hear. Or like mummy, you’ll just tell them anyway 🙂

Love,

Ma

 

It’s all in the stars!

In 2011, my wedding date was set by my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over a conversation that lasted well over an hour and no, they were not discussing how the weather might be to decide on the date. They were zeroing in on the most ‘auspicious’ day- one where my star and my hubby’s stars would be aligned, where there would be least likelihood of winds blowing with ill will and not forgetting, a day which would mean we would never divorce!

Luckily for them, I am very relaxed when it comes to these things- I think every day is `auspicious’ and I do believe our stars are aligned (how does a Kenyan girl travel to conservative South India and in few months meet  the love of her life? Those are the stars!) All I needed was for it to be a date that felt `right’, and thankfully it did.

Indians are a very superstitious lot. They consult astrologers when making big (or small) decisions and I dare say, everyone here has at some point consulted or had their parent consult the stars to decide on/ predict  fate. The most popular amongst all decisions is that the stars seal the fate of whom you will marry. No way will you marry someone whose star and yours are not compatible. Relationships have ended after astrologers were consulted by families. I know several such stories.

The stars also predict how successful (or unsuccessful) you will be, when to postpone a decision, meeting etc- basically the future is SET and we are all just pawns in the big game of life.

Walking on marina beach you will meet astrologers who will want to read your future for as little as Rs 50. I give them a wide berth, maybe am superstitious about superstition 🙂

In Kenya, some communities are known to be superstitious and to believe in (and manufacture) voodoo. My community is not one such and we are somewhat regarded as people who lost their traditions. I don’t know. My grandmother has informed me of traditional medicines and my grandfather has told me of spiritual practices but not of stars and foretelling of the future.

The voodoo concoctions made in Kenya by different communities are somewhat a way to counter what the stars have in store for you. Most are potions-the kind to make a man/ woman love you, earn more money, ward off evil spirits from your home etc; Some people consider this as a way of life and no matter how educated, they will still consult and purchase this potions- of course they are not free. Just like in India.

Incidentally during the beginning of my stay in India I shared a flat with Russians and discovered that superstition is a BIG THING! One guy could only be repaid his money in the evenings, money placed on the floor and he would pick it up without looking at it with his left hand.Yep. And if he somehow forgot something in the house and had to return to pick it up, he would have to look in the mirror and make a face before leaving (!). Another Russian housemate had a routine that had to be observed before taking a drink- EVERY TIME. I took it all in stride, I mean how can I judge that which I do not understand?

I have recently been blessed with a baby girl and am sure someone has already figured out her star sign and what it means. I am glad they have not  informed me. I will leave it all to the universe.

One night in Delhi

It’s a Friday night, maybe a little past 10pm. I am exhausted and inside a cab on my way to Delhi after a week-long conference in Gurgaon. My husband and I have decided to travel around North India for a couple of days before going back to Chennai. As luck would have it, my phone battery is out but luckily I have the name of the hotel my husband has reserved and is waiting for me after just arriving from Chennai the same day.

After being lost for about thirty minutes, we arrive at the hotel. It’s a relief to walk into the air conditioned lobby and I quickly make my way to the reception. My mobile is off, I quickly inform the handsome receptionist, but my husband is here already. I proceed to give them my husband’s name. Receptionist looks through the computer, finds the name but asks me to sit down on one of those sofas and wait a few minutes.

Soon enough, a Manager (I presume) joins us and asks me to come closer to the reception desk-which I do-and to please provide them with my passport. I gladly give them my passport and immediately the receptionist starts making copies of ALL (!) pages. The manager then asks me what I am doing in India. Before I can answer,my hubby -who may have sensed that I had arrived-storms into the lobby from the adjacent lifts and I kid you not, in one swift sweep, he has grabbed my passport, my hand, my suitcase and is uttering expletives in Hindi to the two gentlemen. All very dramatic indeed.

We proceed to the lifts, with hubby fuming and as red as a tomato and me quietly assessing the events of this evening. Hubby hasn’t even said hi to me-I have been away for a week! But of course, I know better. He had given his wife’s names to the hotel, he only forgot to mention one teeny tiny detail- that she was black. And what would a black girl be doing in a Delhi hotel at night?

We both have different ways of dealing with racism in India-my husband boils with anger and shame at a society he understands all too well and had we existed in a comic strip, he would be punching the living daylights out of the people who disrupt my otherwise blissful existence.

Well, my way is slightly different. Call it survival skills but I try not to take things too personally. For instance, 90% (could be higher) of Indians I have come to know, I am the first black person they have ever interacted with or ever known in person. That’s a BIG DEAL.

My friend Shweta told me of an instance when her mother was studying in the UK during the early eighties. One late night as her mother was heading to her apartment, she had the (misfortune) of entering a lift and the doors closing while it was just her and a black man inside. Shweta’s mother, shaking like a leaf and experiencing breathing difficulties could not understand why lifts take so long to get to their destination. Anyway, thankfully, they reached her floor soon enough and as she stumbled out, the black man smiled at her and told her `You are home now, you no longer have to be scared. I live in this building too with my family.’

Can you imagine?! Can you really imagine that situation? Because I cannot. It breaks my heart! The indignity of being black in the UK is not something an African from Africa can honestly fathom. The absurdity of explaining why you should be where you  are is a confusing and as disturbing as it can get. Sure, we are inspired by Martin Luther King Jr and Rosa Parks, are shocked and appalled by what is happening in the USA-the case of Trayvon Martin, the Furguson riots to name a few cases that have woken us up to the realisation that racism is alive and kicking and in fact, we may not even be aware of half of it.

But when you have grown up in an environment that has its leaders, its celebrities, its heroes looking like you do ie black, you assume the rest of the world is fair game. You walk confidently, with your head high, assured of your place on this planet until you step out, you put one toe out and realise you may have been a little naive.

I choose to smile when people tell me that my English is great, when they are impressed with my contributions. One lady after spending a delightful evening with me told me I should become the President of Kenya! Imagine that. But what can I say? I am the only experience they have had with Africa, a continent that is larger than the combined land masses of the United States (including Alaska), Europe, and China.  I often fight the urge to point out just how far apart Nigeria or even South Africa are from my home Kenya.

I cannot blame people for not knowing better. I refuse to be angry and offended by peoples ignorance and prejudice. Too bad if some people look at me and think am less than they are, thank goodness I cannot read minds! I will observe, and learn and teach where I can and as I said in an earlier post, most people are cool and awesome- at least those in my life.

Meanwhile, I need to calm down my superman as am starving and need room service and only he can order my favourite dishes in Hindi-wait, will they serve us this late?

Of dating Indian boys and other questions….

In Rajasthan 2009

I commented on a Kenyan blog post titled `Indians are racist…there I said it’  because as you can imagine,I am very interested in the subject matter. I proceeded to share a link to one of my posts to the readers and what followed was great interest from Kenyan readers keen to know more about my personal experiences (that they presume are not mentioned in this blog) . I will try and quench your curiosity to the best of my ability 🙂

Many readers wanted to know what it was like to date an Indian and what it took to convince our families that we were not crazy.

To be honest and to sound rather naive, I have never consciously considered my husband as Indian. This is a fact that is always pointed out by others. From the very first day I met him, he has always been this guy who I have the hots for :).  Of course in the beginning, I thought I would return back to Kenya and this romance would be a wild youthful adventurous past. Then I returned to Kenya  after being in India for a year and in the words of my mother-I do not recall the conversation-on day one I informed her that I had met the love of my life. And my mother who was the last person to know I had been dating a Muhindi (thank goodness she was not privy to facebook!) quickly reassured me that sometimes we can get carried away by love, and she knows the feeling-to which I apparently replied  `You do not understand this kind of love!’

I think from that conversation you can tell just how dramatically this muhindi affected me. LOL. I was soon on a flight back to India.

My husband and I met at a dinner party organised by one of our mutual friends. However, we had both heard of each other (there is a bit of a long story there which may be written one day).

Dating in India is same as dating in Nairobi or in most of the places in the world. You go out for meals, movies and the usual hanging out with friends and since Chennai is by the ocean, lots of swimming and beach hangouts. To those asking me whether we were chaperoned, no we were not.

I must however say that based on many people’s questions, I have had some time to reflect and now realise our case could be the only one of its kind. I once did a piece on arranged marriages in India and this largely IS the prescribed way of finding a spouse till date. However, my husband’s parents who are in their sixties met and fell in love and chose to get married to each other. I guess they are pioneers of a kind because I do not know couples of that age who did not have an arranged marriage. This can probably answer and explain the questions of why it was easy for my husband to choose his own path in life.

While at university (USIU), I had a friend date an Indian guy but it was pretty clear from the onset that he was going through his rebellious phase and there was no way he would ever even introduce her to his family. Of course they broke up, but it was clear- you do not date Indians-at least in Nairobi, unless of course you were Indian.Fast forward to just a year after graduating and I was living in India and had met my husband.

The question of how our families reacted has been asked more times than I could ever count. Its still asked years later.

Our families were mostly afraid of the unknown- what will happen, how is the family of this person, are they serious?? My mother’s main concern was based on what she had read and watched on TV about Indian families and mother-in-laws who not only reject their daughter-in-law but run the lives of their sons. Being Indian, my parents-in-law largely wondered what kind of a family I came from (this is HUGE IN India). It was not enough that they liked me, no-my family was of great importance as well.

And so when they met there were sighs of relief (from them not us-we HAD DECIDED), as they realised they are pretty similar and in fact what they cared for the most is their children being happy.

And no, I did not pay dowry. Yes, I know in India it is the women who pay the dowry which is the exact opposite of what happens in my culture back home. I have always detested this financial and transactional business that happens before weddings. I personally feel this habit has no place in today’s world and thankfully so does my family. I however know that this system is very important to certain individuals and cultures, and with that I say to each their own.

I have also now come to know several stories of people who cannot even marry someone from another tribe, forget race. In India, people also cannot marry those who are from another caste or community (what we call tribes).

We did face some drama from potential landlords who could not believe the audacity of my husband and in fact, since we lived together before getting married, I can say finding a house was one of the biggest challenges- not family. If you think nosy landlords are ridiculous, I must also add that none of my workmates knew I lived with my boyfriend. Cohabiting is non existent in India and despite knowing I was dating an Indian, living together would have been preposterous to my workmates-this is a very judgemental society.  Which makes me realise just how lucky I am with the family I found in India.

To those who have written telling me their painful stories and how they wish they had my guts, I say it’s not too late . In life we have two choices-fear or love. Make the choice that you will live with and do not blame anyone for choosing fear instead of love. And that’s my two cents for this piece.

My mother-in-law and mom. Worlds can come together.

Why I love India PART II -Palette of Colours

India is DIVERSE-full of races, faces, places, dishes, languages and more traditions than I could ever count. Each Indian state has a different local language, dietary norms and all one needs to experience a new culture is visit the next city and eat their local food and meet the local people.

I became a traveller in India. I honestly did not have taste for adventurous travel till I landed in the sub continent. The pristine beaches of Kerala have taken my breath away , I have marvelled at the beauty of palaces in Mysore and Hyderabad and I have a deep connection with Jaipur in Rajasthan, the pink city where my husband proposed to me.

It’s incredible that the local food in Tamilnadu-rasam, curd rice,tamarind rice and pongal are not what is local food in Kerala which is the next state.

The languages and written script of the different parts of India are completely different and I am amazed that I once thought people of India all speak only Hindi.

The diversity is manifest in the people. I have come to believe there is no Indian or Asian race. Ya know, like how am black. Pardon my ignorance but prior to travel, I had a mental image of how Indians as a people look and during my early days in Tamilnadu I often used to mistake some people (mostly clean shaven men) with being African like myself. I of course got over it due to the high number of people who can pass for black people in the South. It’s a bit astonishing for an African like myself to meet black (or is it dark skinned) Indians, especially since the Indians in Nairobi are mostly Gujarati who are quite fair skinned. I guess more so because meeting Africans in India is rare (except in universities and at hospitals).

There is nothing like diversity to spice up life. I am however no longer naive enough to not realise that I marvel more at the diversity because of my previous pre conceived ideas of India and the fact that am a foreigner. Many Indians are proud of where they come from and even if they do converge in the big cities, you will find them with their own. You will find that Bengalis know each other and have found their perfect fish market that sells their favourite hilsa. The Telugu know where to find their pucca gongura puchadi and mixing and interacting with `others’  is done with a bit of caution.

Like our Kenyan tribes, the different Indian communities have their own set of stereotypes .The Tamil people are considered hard working and a tad bit conservative, the Punjabis are considered flamboyant and people from delhi are snobs. I have also discovered that  stereotyping is a habit of the entire word 🙂

Here are some pictures of diverse and incredible India…

INDIAN FACES

The guy below is a waiter in Mahabalipuram. His Afro made me think he is from Africa but NO!

A wedding in Siliguri (North East Indian women)

PLACES

Camping in the wild of Andra-Pradesh

Isn’t Kerala breath taking?

In Jaipur-the pink city and why I love India part 3,4,5,6…….. 🙂

Why I love India part 1

It has been too long since I blogged about Incredible India. I have been overly involved with my work but today I decided to get back on this wheel which I immensely enjoy. I apologize to my dedicated readers who I see have been checking in to see whether I have a new article. The below article is for you 🙂

I have often been at  odds with some dear friends of mine from India regarding some of the pieces I have written about their home. There are others who have been glad with what I have said and have been fascinated by my refreshing account of their homeland. As a writer I think it has been important for me to  share information with those who have never been to India as well as tell my own truth. Trust me, my experiences as a black girl from Kenya will definitely not be the same as that  of a white girl from say the USA or France. And why would it be?  We are both socialized differently and because of where we come from, while  in India we are perceived differently. When Indian women tell me they love my hair, they mean they love it on ME, they would not want it on THEM. On the other hand, when the same women tell a white lady they love her skin, they definitely want to be fairer. I am not going back to the issues of skin tone and racism , I think those are topical issues that will be given by any traveler to India. Today, I begin a series on reasons why I love India.

COST OF LIVING

I will begin with a truth about myself- I am frugal, nay thrifty to a fault. I find this a strength but sometimes a weakness (I know my hubby is reading and nodding). In India, am in heaven because thanks to a capitalist and socialist system, things are much cheaper than at home in Kenya. And I mean everything-from cost of transport, to food, to house rent and even entertainment. I have a train ticket I keep in my wallet to show my Kenyan friends who doubt when I tell them that for the transport cost of  everyday  16KM travel by local train , I pay about Ksh 350 (about 4 USD) for 3 months. YES, I said  I pay 4 USD for 3 MONTHS .In Kenya, that amount can last you roughly 2 days MAX.

If that is the transport cost, you can imagine frugal me in an Indian market- I shoooppp! I also dine out a lot and go for to the movies more- in India a ticket to the 3D IMAX  theater is about 3 USD, in Kenya, the same 3D IMAX theater charges 10 USD. It’s a bit unbelievable.

India also has a welfare system that guarantees food supply at subsidized cost to all of its citizens called a ration card under the P.D.S -Public Distribution System. The ration card is produced at government stores and you can then buy a kilo of rice for about Ksh 40 (a little less than 0.5  USD) as well as flour, sugar and other foods that constitute the staple food of India,  not forgetting cost of  fuel (kerosene) for stoves at similarly low prices . This enables low income earners to feast like the high income earners .

And of course medical treatment is more affordable in India and hence the huge boom in medical tourism.In Kenya, with government  doctors and nurses downing their  tools as often as they do and the high cost of treatment at private hospitals/ clinics, India becomes a natural alternative choice for patients to travel to for specilaised medical treatment.

Am sure an economist would mention to me that the low costs are to  do with economies of scale, that I cannot compare a country with over 1.2 Billion people with that which has a little over 40 Million. Some would tell me India is much older democracy, has had more time to self rule, to regulate markets, to ensure food security , has the largest IT and Technology personnel and resources; And that is all fine and true. What I love the most is that even though I read statistics that show that India has some of the largest disparities between the rich and poor, that slums are much bigger than what I have seen with my own eyes, what I see when I look around are Auto manufacturing industries, Tech campuses, roads build by locals, pride in local brands, a huge population that meets the job market demand and affordable living…. It’s obvious am awed by India.

Lingo

Lingo is described as the vocabulary or jargon of a particular subject or group of people. I have come to accept the following lingo used very liberally in India and in fact now use some of the words myself.  The thing is, these words mean something totally different in a context that is not Indian and I do not expect someone who is not related in any way to the subcontinent to understand what they mean. I present Hinglish.

1. Too good! – Now this statement is always made with great enthusiasm. It could be describing a song, a movie, an outfit, food etc etc Russell Peters even makes a joke about it in one of his comedy acts. See, you and I usually say something is awesome or terrific or even great. We know that the words `too good’ do not go together and are in fact grammatically incorrect but not in India. Something great is just too good!
2. Correct, 100 percent!– Now, if you wish to agree with someone in India, you give them the classroom words of approval-nothing more, nothing less. I hear my husband on the phone muttering `correct’ `correct’ `100 percent’ and now I do not confuse it with a mathematical problem. No, it just means exactly, or done, or completed or I will do it. Yep.
3. Horrible– You gotta say this with an emphasis of the letter `o’ . It’s used often enough in normal talk and is not a cause for panic. It just means that something did not work out, or go as planned.
4. Like that only– I admit this should have been the first point. Many a foreigner in India are flustered by this statement that makes you desist from asking for any further information. It’s used ALL the time and what I have found out is that it means `I don’t know’ or `go figure it out’ or it’s really just like that only. There’s even a book on the Indian market by Rama Bijarpukar titled `We are like that only’ . My native language Kikuyu has an equivalent- `o uguo tu!’
5. Good family– oh, you will hear this a lot. Especially when marriages are being discussed or planed or engineered. Either way a good family means wealthy. No it does not mean good genes/ health, or intellect or education (though related to wealth) it simply means what the wallet has to offer.
6.  Background– Boy did I stutter through this one in the beginning! It’s slightly related to no.5 but a little different. When someone asks your background, they basically want to know everything about you-in a snapshot. Like, who are you really? What did you major in at uni? And what kind of jobs or work have you held in say, forever? I must admit the caste system though gone for decades, left its vicious segregating ways deeply entrenched. In India, people proudly associate themselves with their communities (eg Punjabi, Tamil, Bengali, Gujarati etc). Then further into this communities you have the castes, professions, the schools one attended, vegetarian or non-vegetarian etc  You have to be part of something.  It’s pretty harmless if you ask me because I feel that people just want to know how to relate to you. However, my husband has pointed out to me that one of the joys of being with Kenyans is they do not care about your background- people relate to you just the way you are, it takes the pressure off from  trying so hard to impress people as is the norm in India.
7. Thik hai (pronounced tikke)- This is the Swahili equivalent of sawa. It’s said all the time and means ok.

I may extend this list if I remember more words only 🙂

mystical.spiritual.the holy land

I bet India is one if not the only country in the world that issues  a yoga visa. Yes, a visa issued specifically because you want to pursue yoga and all matters spiritual. The visa is to be found with many a foreigner from a developed country who after achieving all the social and material possessions (meant to make us `happy’) start questioning life’s purpose. And what better place than India, with its holy men to find yourself?

Without a doubt India has embraced spirituality in a major way. Though I have found that the general public is keener on religious practices and rituals, It’s wonderful to experience a country that reveres spirituality. People carry a picture of their guru in their wallets and purses, hang a picture of the same in their houses and also in offices. There is usually a small space at the workplace of individuals specifically dedicated to their spiritual inclinations- they put an image, sculpture etc of their guru.

The Indian calendar contains many religious holidays- about one every month, which shows you just how serious folks are.

river ganga

Throughout the year,  Hindu devotees make pilgrimages to various temples and to the River Ganges which is considered to posses supernatural powers. In fact, there can be no history of India without mentioning Ganga Ma (Mother Ganges).She is the provider for the millions who reside in the agricultural communities along her banks; she is the bestower of benedictions for the pious, and the redeemer of sins for the sinful; she is the healer of disease for the sick; and for the dying, she is the giver of liberation from the cycle of birth and death.

And here is what I want to clarify, unlike where I come from; spiritual people in India are those who have given up worldliness- wealth, status, family etc, to commune with God. Some dwell in caves, hills, mountains or ashrams. They are referred to as sadhus and you will find them all over India wandering about (sometimes naked) with a huge pile of dreadlocks on their heads. They are considered holy and are seen as serving a purpose of burning the karma of the population, therefore they have a place in society. They are supported by donations from many people who give them great respect calling them baba.

There is one I used to see in the evenings on my way from work who used to scare the crap out of me- naked in prayer next to a fire near the Egmore railway station. Here is how they look.

At the Kumbh Mela festival

Some gurus/ individuals lead global movements and organizations and are more often than not extremely wealthy-owning hospitals, schools and vast pieces of land. They have TV shows and are published authors not to mention the popular tours they conduct all over the world. These are very similar to the religious people sprouting all over Kenya and Africa in general. And why wouldn’t they be extremely wealthy? If you have managed to convince people that you are the channel through which they will find God, wouldn’t they do anything for you? Wouldn’t they want to assist your organisation in any way possible so it can spread across the earth to touch as many lives and create as many new followers as possible?

Religion and spirituality are a touchy topic which I find very difficult to discuss with people as it is often loaded with emotions and deep ingrained childhood beliefs that are considered absolutes. I will therefore try and refrain from upsetting the followers of gurus and other spiritual leaders. However, it is common knowledge that some gurus have been caught up in sex scandals as well as other types of behaviors not befitting spiritual leaders. One sad recent case is when Guru Asaram Bapu remarked that the Delhi gang rape victim was as guilty as those responsible for the barbaric sexual assault on her.

“…The victim daughter is as guilty as her rapists… She should have called the culprits brothers and begged before them to stop… This could have saved her dignity and life. Can one hand clap? I don’t think so,” he is quoted as having said.

Thankfully there was outrage following the above remark.

I have visited ashrams and enjoyed quiet solitude and peace. I read the story of sadhguru Ramana Maharishi a few years back and felt a strong connection with his story that I visited the Ashram and caves where he dwelled more than 60 years ago. It was an experience I treasure and plan to go there as often as I can. It is all pretty simple in an ashram, you can sit down and meditate for hours if you like, you can join in the early morning chants, you can go for walks and feed the monkeys or birds usually to be found around or you can join groups that are having a satsang (company of like minded individuals).

The beauty of Ashrams is the simplicity it offers away from life’s constant and never ending demands. I think that is the beauty of every religious and spiritual place. Any place, ritual, practice that is able to quiet the mind, offer some reprieve to the ongoing challenges we face as human beings can only be a good thing. Which is what the word guru means- that which dispels darkness.

I will finish this piece with a quote from one of my favourite Indian teachers, Jiddu Krishnamurti.

“‘Truth is a pathless land’. Man cannot come to it through any organisation, through any creed, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophical knowledge or psychological technique. He has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of his own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection. Man has built in himself images as a fence of security – religious, political, personal. These manifest as symbols, ideas, beliefs. The burden of these images dominates man’s thinking, his relationships and his daily life. These images are the causes of our problems for they divide man from man. His perception of life is shaped by the concepts already established in his mind. The content of his consciousness is his entire existence. This content is common to all humanity. The individuality is the name, the form and superficial culture he acquires from tradition and environment. The uniqueness of man does not lie in the superficial but in complete freedom from the content of his consciousness, which is common to all mankind. ”

Pondycherry

This coastal town that appears in Life of Pi is called the `French Riviera of the East’. Formerly a French colony, its found in the South Indian State of Tamilnadu. It’s a 3 hrs drive (150Kms) from Chennai, the nearest city and can be accessed by public buses, taxis and for the very adventorous ones, by motorbike. I love Pondy as we call it and many a weekend has been spent here.

The thing about Pondycherry is you forget that you are in India – the clean litter free streets, the buildings which are French villa styled, the names of the streets and hotels, the cuisine served in restaurants and the throng of tourists (mostly French) who frequent this place –  to be found on their bikes all over town.

My husband and I brought some Kenyan friends here who ended up staying longer than they intended, too busy chilling and enjoying Pondy. There’s always a breeze in the pubs and balconies of resorts as the Bay of Bengal beats the shorelines of Pondy. I would not recommend swimming in the waters though, the currents are strong!

There’s a park to chill out with friends and if not in the mood to walk around this serene place you can hire bicycles or motorcycles for dirt cheap prices to take you exploring. You can then bike to Auroville and immerse yourself in holistic living and teachings of Sri Aurobindo.

Restaurants in Pondy serve great seafood cuisine as you sip your beer and in the evenings there is always an event or party to attend. I have attended a Music Festival by the beach by some great Indian rock bands, gone for talks and performances organised by Alliance Francaise but mostly it’s the overnight beach parties that I find myself in while in Pondy 🙂

I guess I’ll let the pictures tell why I like Pondy.

so clean and quiet

It’s still India- no one following rules!

I attended this event 🙂

In the Park

coastal line

Bliss 🙂

As I said, the waves are strong!

Visit pondycherry sometime.